I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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