I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
