If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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