I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
