We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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