I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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