People in love make me want to vomit
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
