If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
