She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
