Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize