You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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