how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
