Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
