So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
