38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
