My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
