Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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