Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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