hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I could make wine with my vomit
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
