i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
