Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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