I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
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