Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
