How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
