What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
