Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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