Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
