when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize