is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
