between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
