I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
