i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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