Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
