some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize