Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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