I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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