You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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