there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
