You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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