just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
