There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Pooping to opera.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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