Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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