I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
