When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
