adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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