What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
