i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
