I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
