Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
