That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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