so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
