I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
