dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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