Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
