I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
