If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
