I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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