Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
