your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
