You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
