i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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