Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think your dad took our porno
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
