I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
