I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
singing on the bus should be illegal
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere