We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
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That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves