You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am