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Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Randomize
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