There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
