Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
