I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
