2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
