I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
